Saturday, July 19, 2014

Feeling Guilty

As a dad I never thought I would feel guilty about anything with my son. I usually don't but things have changed recently due to an event that happened this past weekend. Which made me feel awful and very upset

It started out as a wonderful day. It was warm and sunny. We were out to Long Island for the weekend. My sister in law went to go to her parents upstate. My brother in law works nights and did not go upstate with my sister in law so myself and my wife with Peter went there to watch my niece. We were debaiting what to do. Should we go strawberry picking on a farm out in Riverhead?  Should we go to Splish Splash which is a waterpark for the day? Or Should we go to Adventureland which is a Amusement Park.

When we mentioned Adventureland to my niece her eyes lit up with excitement. To those who think they have heard the name Adventureland. A movie was made in 2009 about a college graduate who works at an amusement park in 1987 . Jesse Eisenberg played the starring role. The movie was written by Greg Matolla who lived and grew up in Long Island. He use to go to that amusement park as a kid.

The day was going well. We were all having fun. Peter and my niece were going on all of the kiddie rides. Then myself, my wife Kate, Peter and my niece went on all of the family rides  Then myself and my niece would go on the big rides. God Bless my niece because she went on most of the rides with me. I love her very much and did not pressure her to go on anything she did not want to. She loved the log flume and the spinning swings. We went on the log flume 4 times in a row. It was hot out it felt good.  We rode the swings 3 times. I love all kinds of rides. I felt like a teenager again.

I decided to go on the teacups with my niece and Peter. The ride started and we were laughing having a good time. I started spinning the car slow. Then I started to spin the teacup faster. The teenager in me came out. I spun the teacup very fast. I didn't realize that the force would take down my son.  Peter flew forward and hit his head first on the wheel that you spin. Flew back and clocked the back of his head on the back of the seat. Then went down on the seat. I grabbed him first then tried to stop the teacup from spinning. Everyone knows that it is very hard to stop them from spinning. I thought I killed him. He was okay he just laughed. I almost started to cry.

I never felt so guilty. I didn't think and I could of hurt my own child who I love more than anything in this world. It still haunts me because I have never done anything that would endanger my child or hurt him because he is too precious to me. I still see the image in my head what happened and what could of happened. I know the guilt will disappear eventually and I know that there might be more times were I will feel guilty but thats when you realize that you are not a perfect parent.

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